2015...

     Went for a short camping on the second day of Chinese New Year at Tanjung Tuan, Port Dickson. Had lunch and some time to reflect on what had happened throughout 2015 while overseeing the sea. 2015 was as rough as 2014. Started off with a family trip to Sabah followed by the commencement of new semester and 2 weeks trip to Semarang under the Short Course on Environmental Conservation and Indonesian Culture for Taylor's University Global Ambassadors Programme, moved to a whole new environment, being chosen to represent Taylor's & Malaysia to Mahasarakham in August and again to Bangkok in November, another family trip to Bandung and few other events that broke me down for months... I couldn't thank HIM better for putting me in different situations to test me as HIS slave. 

     Getting closed with someone whom I actually really prayed would be with me for a loooong time like how my best friends do, was another blessing. The hopes, the greetings that I received in the morning and at night that kept me smiling the whole day, the times we exchanged stories of our daily routines/schedules, those funny stuffs we told one another, everything was good at the start. I guess, partly it was also my fault for not wanting the person to send me presents just cause I wanted the person to save for that person's future. I mean, I didn't want anyone to spoil me with presents after presents and eats nothing at the end of the month just cause you want to keep me happy. I'd be more than happy if you are healthy and would be able to talk to me as we normally do.

     Nonetheless, it didn't end as how I expected and imagined it to be. The person started to keep a distance from me. Painful? Of course, it was! But that's okay. I get attached and loved people who come into my life pretty easy. So, the moment I felt uncertain and uneasy, I asked Allah, 'If this is good for me, keep us closer than ever. If this is bad for me, keep that person away from me. YOU know best what's in our hearts and minds.' It wasn't long for HIM to answer me by showing signs. It was tough. I kept myself occupied with things that I love doing. Slowly, I forget almost everything. Out of the blue, of all other days, today was the day God wanted me to reminisce the memories I had. Quickly I dhikr in my heart and I fell asleep after maghrib prayer, woke up four hours later feeling better.

     I'm fine now. I'm fine. Taking things slowly even when it's hard to digest everything. Sometimes you have to force yourself to forget for you to move on with better things that are waiting in front of you. In fact, after attending Marriage Conference 2016 last Saturday at PICC, I felt even more grateful for whatever had happened.  Knowing that Allah has actually prepare better things for me ahead. It's just a matter of time. Have faith in Allah, have faith in yourself. Allah let you meet someone for a reason that only HE knows. Treasure the moments you have with that person while it lasts. When it ends, reflect on what have you learned from the person, good or bad, reflect, keep it as reminders for the future. Smile and keep walking. I know I'm not as strong as the character of Zara Batrisya, Fariz Adryan's wife in Cinta Si Wedding Planner but I try to be stronger everyday, with HIS will...